WHY CHURCH ATTENDANCE IS THE BEST THING FOR YOUR MARRIAGE & FAMILY
WHY CHURCH ATTENDANCE IS THE BEST THING FOR YOUR MARRIAGE AND FAMILY
by Thom S. Rainer
If you read any of my books or articles over the past few decades, you know I have a very high view of the local church. In my writings and presentations, I consistently remind people that, from Acts 2 to Revelation 3, the Bible is about the local church, written to the local church, or written in the context of the local church.
If God through His Word considers the local church important, then we must also give it the same priority in our lives.
However, a light bulb went on several months ago when I was doing research and writing for my next book, The Anxious Generation Goes to Church (to be released in August 2025 from Tyndale). I was both amazed and encouraged to learn how much the non-Christian world wants local churches to be healthy. At least intuitively if not explicitly, the unchurched world understands the incredible value of churches in our society and culture. In an ironic twist, they have not embraced Christ as their Savior, but they have embraced His church as a beacon of hope.
That Thing Called the GSS – I have reviewed a huge repository of data called the General Social Survey for years. But I have not done a good job of translating that data into practical and actionable information for church leaders and members. I plan to be more helpful in the days ahead.
The General Social Survey (GSS) has been around since 1972. It gives us incredible insights into how Americans live, think, and believe. It’s a treasure trove of information on everything from politics to religion. Think of the GSS as something like the U. S. Census, but it focuses on more than demographics. It focuses on behavior and beliefs. Even more, the data is longitudinal, meaning that the same questions are asked over years. We thus can see trends rather than just the data from a single research project. For this discussion, we’re diving into how church attendance impacts family dynamics.
Marriage Stability
Let’s start with marriage. Marriage can be tough. But couples who make faith a priority – like attending church together or praying with each other – tend to have stronger, more stable marriages. It’s not magic; it’s about shared values and a mutual commitment to stick together when times get hard.
Faith gives couples tools for conflict resolution. Forgiveness, patience, and communication are key principles in Christian teachings, and they are vital for keeping marriages intact. When couples share spiritual disciplines, like praying together, studying the Bible, or attending church, they’re building intimacy that goes beyond the everyday.
The influence of faith on marriage goes even deeper. Shared beliefs can shape big decisions, from how couples handle finances to how they raise their children. This alignment in values reduces conflicts and strengthens the partnership. When both spouses see marriage as a covenant rooted in their faith, they’re more likely to approach challenges with a mindset of perseverance and grace. Again, the most evident manifestation of shared beliefs takes place when a couple attend church together.
The GSS research shows us that such views about church attendance are not theoretical. These are views of the general population of the United States, both Christians and non-Christians.
Parenting Practices
Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart. But parents who are grounded in their faith and attend church with their children tend to approach parenting with a sense of purpose. They’re more likely to emphasize honesty, kindness, and self-control in their kids because these values are woven into their belief system.
Church-attending families often create rhythms that bring everyone together – like bedtime prayers, family devotions, or Sunday morning traditions. These rituals might seem small, but they build a foundation of security and belonging for kids. It’s also common to see faith-based parents encouraging gratitude and service. Whether it’s volunteering at a food bank or writing thank-you notes, these practices teach kids to think beyond themselves.
One of the most impactful aspects of faith-based parenting is the emphasis on moral absolutes. Stories from the Bible, such as parables or teachings of Jesus, provide children with lessons on empathy, courage, and integrity. These teachings often become guiding principles as children grow.
Churches can be a big help to parents. Parenting workshops, family-friendly events, and resources like devotionals or parenting guides can make the tough job of raising kids a little easier. Some churches even offer support groups for parents navigating specific challenges, such as raising teenagers or managing blended families. The goal? Equip parents to lead with faith and love.
I discovered the huge value of parenting practices in churchgoing families in the research for my next book I just mentioned. While I focused a lot on how smartphones can be deadly to young people during adolescence, I also showed how church attendance is a major contributor to the mental health of children. The GSS data confirms most of my findings.
Intergenerational Bonding
Church attendance has this amazing way of bringing generations together. Grandparents, parents, and kids can all find common ground in shared beliefs and practices. Think about holidays like Christmas or Easter – that are both Christian celebrations and family traditions that connect everyone.
I have the incredible joy of attending the same church with one set of my grandchildren (and their parents lest I minimize their influence). But I also connect with two other sets of grandchildren who faithfully attend church in other cities. We have the same bond and the same priorities.
Grandparents often play a key role here. They’re the storytellers and the keepers of family faith traditions. Passing down those values creates a sense of continuity and heritage. And let’s not forget the unique bond between grandparents and grandchildren – it’s something special that churches can encourage through multigenerational programs and activities.
Churches can really shine in this area by hosting family worship nights or service projects that involve all ages. Celebrating milestones like baptisms, confirmations, or anniversaries can also be a great way to strengthen those intergenerational ties. These moments provide opportunities for families to come together and reflect on their growth as disciples of Christ.
Intergenerational connections also help younger generations gain a sense of identity and purpose. When children and teens hear stories of faith and perseverance from their elders, they’re inspired to carry those values forward. Churches that intentionally create spaces for these connections are helping to build a legacy of faith. The GSS data again points to the unmistakable value of church attendance.
Support During Crises
When families face illness, loss, or financial struggles, faith can be an anchor. It offers hope and perspective when things feel overwhelming. Plus, being part of a church community means you don’t have to face challenges alone.
Church members often step in with meals, prayers, or even financial help during tough times. That kind of practical support can lighten the load and remind families they’re not alone. Faith itself also provides a sense of stability. Whether it’s through prayer, Scripture, or simply gathering with others on Sundays, Wednesdays, and other church activities, there’s comfort in knowing there’s a bigger picture.
One of the beautiful things about church communities is how they rally around families in need. Prayer chains, meal trains, and support groups are common ways churches show up during crises. These acts of kindness remind families that they are deeply cared for.
The rituals and traditions of faith can also provide comfort. A prayer before surgery, a memorial service for a loved one, or even an encouraging text during a tough time can offer solace and a sense of connection to something greater. Churches can strengthen this by having solid care ministries, such as grief counseling, addiction recovery groups, or support for single parents. When churches show up during hard times, it’s a powerful testimony of love in action.
At the risk of redundancy, I remind you that these points I am making are not theories from the biased perspective of a churchgoer and church researcher. These are the realities we keep hearing from the unchurched as well through the GSS research.
Impact on Children’s Development
Kids raised in religious households often have a leg up when it comes to character and resilience. Faith provides a framework for understanding right and wrong, and it gives kids a sense of purpose and accountability.
Programs like Sunday school or youth groups aren’t just fun; they’re formative. They teach kids teamwork, leadership, and empathy. Mission trips or service projects can open their eyes to the needs of others and help them develop a heart for service. These experiences often leave a lasting impression, shaping the way kids see the world and their place in it.
But it’s not just about programs. Kids thrive when they’re part of a supportive community. Knowing they’re surrounded by adults who care about their growth – spiritually, emotionally, and socially – makes a huge difference. Churches that invest in children and teens are investing in the future of the church and the broader community. But they also are investing in the current mental and emotional health of these young people.
Another key factor is the mentorship that often happens in church settings. Youth pastors, volunteers, and older peers can serve as role models, offering guidance and encouragement. These relationships reinforce the values kids learn at home and help them navigate the challenges of growing up.
Faith also gives kids a sense of hope and resilience. Biblical teaching emphasize themes like perseverance, forgiveness, and the importance of community. These lessons prepare children to face life’s ups and downs with confidence and grace.
Yes, Church Attendance Really Matters!
Faith touches every corner of family life, particularly if it is demonstrated in faithful church attendance. It strengthens marriages, shapes parenting, builds bridges between generations, and supports families in times of need. And when it comes to kids, it lays a foundation that lasts a lifetime.
For churches, this is an incredible opportunity. By leaning into these insights, they can be a source of hope and strength for families, equipping them to thrive in a world that often feels chaotic. The principles of faith are timeless, and their impact on families is undeniable. Let’s keep finding ways to put those principles into action, one family at a time.
Families are the heartbeat of a thriving church. By investing in marriages, supporting parents, encouraging intergenerational connections, and nurturing children, churches can create a culture where families flourish. The ripple effect of strong, faith-filled families extends far beyond the church walls, shaping communities and leaving a legacy for generations to come.
But there is a subtle theme in this article I need to bring to the surface. Simply stated, most of the people in the United States are not anti-church. To the contrary, they see the value of faithful church attendance even if they do not attend church.
Of course, that begs the question. If the unchurched world sees the immense value of church attendance, why do they not attend themselves? Over several research projects, we asked that very question. Their response was profound in its simplicity. They do not attend because the church world is an unknown world to them. Many unchurched people are uncomfortable because they do not know what to expect or how to act.
The solution is also profound in its simplicity. Since most of the unchurched at least intuitively grasp the value of church attendance for their marriages, children, and support during crises, they will come to church if a church member invites them to accompany them to church.
That, of course, begs another question. Why don’t most church members invite and accompany the unchurched to church? That is a topic that requires a bit more explanation. Stay tuned.